I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
