I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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