Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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