I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
