We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
