names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
