So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
