did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
