I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
