i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
