Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
