he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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