Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
