one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
