dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
