I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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