I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the liver wants what the liver wants
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
