I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
