my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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