I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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