yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
