Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
