just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
