well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
