Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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