Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
