If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
