i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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