I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your cock deserves a montage
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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