The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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