Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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