do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
