i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
