you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
