Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
