i don't want you to think of me as your TA
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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