I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
