Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
