We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
false alarm, still single
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
