Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
