You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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