god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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