Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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