ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
