It was confusing and full of hummus
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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