Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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