I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
