Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
