i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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