she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
