i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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